shaky

I sincerely do hope that I will make myself promise not to run tomorrow.

But, deep down my little fragile heart..

Do you know how hard is it to make such a promise?

At the end of the day, I might not even promise myself anymore.

I have faith, I am going to make it.

I know, there is always another time to run, another time to make the dream come true.

Maybe its just me, the rebellious and stubborn me, where no one can STOP me from doing things I want to do. NEVER!

He, the concern Mr.Pres talked to me yesterday, gave me an analogy by saying about himself, what worries him and all those 'what if' this and that happens? At the point where we were talking, I almost teared, but it will be too embarrassing, thus I held strongly to my lacrimal gland, not releasing it. I didn't know how he can read my mind, because it was the same exact thing I was thinking every night, asking myself. I didn't voice it out, or ask anyone about it, because I know, no one understands it; at the end, I might look like some paranoid kid. No I am not! I don't want to be a burden to myself, what more my team? I will do whats best for the team.

I am really really torn apart. Trust me, its been a long time since I last felt it the way I am now.
Hopeless.

Li Teng told me, at least I had the bravery to sign up for both pacers when I am just a beginner. I know, even myself could not believe it, until last Sunday when I seriously completed the Klang pacer of 12km- my first ever run other than the school merentas desa! It wasn't at all easy, with my ankle injury and no first aids around and only one water stop. :( But I made it back in 1 hr 35 mins! I broke my own set-timing, which I am very happy. I got the finishing medal, I am happy.

What about tomorrow?
We will see, because the decision I made yesterday seem shaky.

Dear friends who are running for Mizuno tomorrow, I know we can all make it! :)