the pain

its time for the disease to attack. its back, the insomnia.

every time i run, there is a pain which i cannot describe on my left foot. slowly, it pulls the ankle to pain along too.

why can't I endure the pain? why can't I distract myself from it? why is my body treating it like a foreign feeling, which must be diminished?

WHY??

i am afraid, not only the laziness that make me run less; the spirit that I once had for running has gone; the feeling for me to complete the half marathon without giving up halfway is fading; the cause of the pain which is never cured ever since is troubling.

i don't want to disappoint myself. maybe I shouldn't have signed up in the first place- being peer pressured. I don't want to disappoint those whom got pressured from me and then followed me unwillingly signed up for this, and the one whom encouraged me all the way to never give up (not even if my foot got to be amputated).

i asked myself today while running- why do I run? what is your purpose of running today?

now I ask myself, when was the last time I ran because I love running? honestly, its been a long time. maybe a few months.

Mei Jiun, the Ipod you bought for my birthday was helpful today, it made me ran although it is just that small distance. I remember how I used to tell you about running and sports, about the club that I am in... and made you came into conclusion and be happy for me that I have found what I like, and bought me the red Ipod. :)

What if?