emotional

That was what attracted most of us.
That was what they first shown us.
That was how, at the end of the day, we signed up.
And, that was how, the bonding and unity came about.

I cannot say in word or describe my feelings right now. I went into Miler's blog, saw Justin's latest post about last training session on the 17th, then I don't know why, I scrolled down and saw that video. Excitedly, I loaded it, and watched it. At the moment they started singing the Miler's song, my heart felt it. I remember how I felt when I first saw it, I remember when I first sang that song, what Ray Mun told me about that song and how things is going to change after this. Emotionally, I teared silently, it just kept flowing and I kept wiping it away. I tried very hard to be a strong girl, knowing, its not the end but another beginning of everything, but my heart just resisted what I was thinking. I am not that strong girl everyone thought I am, and I am sorry for disappointing you people.

I too, cannot imagine how my last training session with the current committee will be like. I have thought of not attending the training, because if I don't, then I will not ever have the 'last training'. Or, I was thinking of just going through the running and all, but not attending the de-briefing session, as it will obviously be one of the most emotional sessions that I can see. I know, deep down my heart, all this won't work, I will go, for the last training session with them, savouring every moment using all the 5 senses we were exposed to. I will forever, remember it, everything about it.

What does a dark sky tell you?
For me, it signifies heaviness of the cloud. It had to let go the heaviness because it no longer can withstand the weight. Thus, raining soon will take place.

What does a heavy heart tells you, when you are sad?
For me, it tells me, its time to cry. Let it go.

From this and after a conversation with uncle, I learnt to never bond with the patients in future, as in, never have a strong bond but have empathy for them. Or, I will definitely feel how I felt at this very moment, crying for over 30 minutes. I just have to be a little more selfless, pass the way I feel, what I have gone through and how I went through experience to my juniors next time.

For now, I have another assignment for the bigger picture. Bye!